


Unrefined Tastes

by ohmyfae



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Humor, Ignis is thirsty AF, M/M, Referenced Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 20:11:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16047710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmyfae/pseuds/ohmyfae
Summary: "It wasn't that Ignis Scientia had bad taste in men, exactly. It was just that his taste was, unlike his formal etiquette and fighting skills, somewhat unrefined. The same part of Ignis' brain that told him that Regis Lucis Caelum was a handsome figure of a manalsosaw no problem with sidling up to a silver-haired disaster on legs and slipping him the address to his apartment."----In which Ignis' insatiable thirst for older men leads him right to Ardyn Izunia, much to his friends' despair.





	Unrefined Tastes

"No."

Noctis Lucis Caelum turned on his heel under the shadow of the Mother of Pearl restaurant, holding out an accusatory finger like a man in a last-ditch, desperate standoff. "Don't even think about it, Specs."

"I can't imagine what you mean," Ignis said, adjusting the fit of his glasses. Before them, the so-called man of no consequence, with his wine dark hair and confident swagger, was strolling down the dock, whistling softly. Ignis dragged his lower lip between his teeth and looked him up and down, lingering on the sway of his hips. Noct rolled his eyes. Gladio sighed.

"Dude," Prompto whispered. "Not again."

It wasn't that Ignis Scientia had bad taste in men, exactly. It was just that his taste was, unlike his formal etiquette and fighting skills, somewhat unrefined. The same part of Ignis' brain that told him that Regis Lucis Caelum was a handsome figure of a man _also_ saw no problem with sidling up to a silver-haired disaster on legs and slipping him the address to his apartment. This was the man who, at eighteen, once downed too many flutes of champagne and told an increasingly panicky Cor exactly what he could do with his tongue. Shortly after his twentieth birthday, Ignis had to call the Crownsguard to stop two of his former lovers from having a fistfight in the parking lot, and Gladio caught Ignis making out with the same Crownsguard soldier in the hallway the next morning. Gladio once said that if you threw Ignis into a crowd of middle-aged dignitaries and wine, he would be at the center of an international incident in minutes. It was almost impressive.

"I'm not sure I like what you lot are implying," Ignis said, drawing himself up like an indignant, mildly aroused stork. "I was simply committing him to memory."

A deafening silence settled over the dock. Even the water sloshing at the pillars seemed to still, stunned by the depth of Ignis' lie.

"Right," Noct said. He ran a hand over the back of his neck and turned, climbing the steps to the shaded deck of the restaurant. "That's what you were doing."

 

-

 

"Perhaps one of us should keep an eye on our new friend," Ignis said into Gladio's ear, keeping a few paces behind the rest of the group. Gladio held back a long-suffering sigh and risked a glance down at Ignis. It was normal enough to be flushed in the constant, sweltering humidity of Lestallum, but over the years, Gladio had learned to pick up the signs. Ignis' eyes shone with wicked intent as he watched Ardyn, their new friend of no consequence, stride up to a hideous convertible that screamed _midlife crisis_ when it wasn't bellowing _moogles!_ He'd even undone the top button of his collar, which was, for a somewhat body-shy man like Ignis, as good as setting up a neon sign labeled "take me!" and sprawling half naked over a rolling piano.

"I'll go with him," Gladio said.

"No, I believe I'm best suited," Ignis said, dreamily drifting towards the car. Prompto gave Gladio a frantic look, and Gladio shrugged. Noct turned to slap a hand over his eyes as Ignis popped open the side door of Ardyn's car, flicked a hand through his fringe, and deliberately planted a foot on the seat. 

"Do refrain from putting your shoes on the leather," Ardyn said, giving Ignis the somewhat bewildered look of all men soon to fall under the Ignis Seduction Initiative. Ignis smiled slowly and set his foot down, sliding into the car.

"Oh gods," Prompto said, dragging Gladio towards the Regalia. "It's already started."

"Should've hooked him up with Cor when we had the chance," Gladio said, collapsing in the back seat. Noct slammed the driver's side door, glowering darkly as Ardyn ran a finger under Ignis' chin. Ignis chuckled softly, and when he moved his arm, Ardyn's brows raised. "Then he wouldn't be putting the moves on a used car salesman wearing a whole fucking boutique on his shoulders."

"What's the chest belt even for?" Prompto asked. Noct turned on the engine, and the Regalia jerked towards Ardyn's convertible, growling like a coeurl on the hunt. Ignis ran a hand through Ardyn's hair, and Noct's fingers tightened on the wheel.

"I don't know, Prompto," he said, gritting his teeth, "but I have a feeling he's about to find out."

It took him two hours. Prompto was the one who found them, Ignis panting into Ardyn's shoulder, their bodies deepening the shadows, moonlight sliding over bare shoulders and exposed chests. Prompto retreated to the caravan with the haunted look of a man on the edge and cracked open a beer from the cooler, downing it in half a minute.

Noct and Gladio exchanged looks.

"They're behind the gas station," Prompto rasped, and Noct groaned, lunging for a beer of his own. He passed a new one on to Prompto, and the two of them sat together under the awning, staring into the middle distance.

"Tell me they weren't--" Gladio started. Prompto just gave him a long, unblinking stare. "Shit. Really?"

Prompto wordlessly opened his second beer and took a swig.

"So long as he doesn't write poetry this time," Noct said. "You guys remember the poetry?"

"Huh," Gladio said. "You mean the ones about my dad?"

In the distance, faint voices could be heard under the screech of cicadas, a low moan, a soft _ah-aah-aaah_ that would follow them the rest of their lives. Noct slumped into his seat and stared into his beer.

"I think I prefer your dad to Mister High Romance here," Prompto said. Someone slapped the wall, and Ignis' shout of _Oh! Oh, Astrals!_ echoed in the empty lot. 

Gladio grunted and took the beer Noct mutely passed his way. "Yeah? Speak for yourself."

 

-

 

"I imagine you all must think me something of a fool," Ignis said.

Gladio, Prompto, and Noctis glanced up from the dark waters of the Altissian canals, twisting to look at Ignis lounging in the back of the gondola. He was blushing slightly, his hair perfectly styled, fiddling with the top button of his shirt.

"Nah," Noct said, after a long pause. "We know how you get around, uh."

"He was just." Ignis cleared his throat. "He was rather charming, in his own way."

Noct opened his mouth to say something comforting, then looked to Prompto. Prompto shrugged and turned their collective, helpless gaze to Gladio.

"Sure," Gladio said, eloquently.

"But it's all over now, of course," Ignis said, as though he hadn't straddled Ardyn's lap in the chocobo post parking lot a week before. "I can't very well pursue a man aligned with the empire. Despite what some of you may suspect, I do have standards."

"Yeah, Specs," Noct said, trying to keep the dubious tone out of his voice. "We know."

"My first duty will always be to you," Ignis said, laying a hand on Noct's shoulder. Noct smiled and patted his hand awkwardly.

"You miss him, huh?" Prompto said, and Ignis sighed deeply, sinking back in his seat.

"Ah, well," he said. "Perhaps this is a sign. I may have to put aside such pursuits, now that we need all our wits about us to face the Leviathan."

"Well, hello there, boys," called a low, musical voice from their left. Noct turned. Altissia's infamous floating bar rocked beside them, washed with golden light. Behind the bar itself stood a tall, older gentleman in a fine suit, a monocle over one eye, delicate wrinkles at his mouth and temples. Ignis' head perked up like a dog sensing a window being rolled down, and Noctis, operating on nothing more than desperate, panic-driven instinct, grabbed Ignis by the collar of the shirt and threw them both sideways into the water.

It didn't help, of course, but as Gladio said while Ignis was smiling dazedly under the attentions of a drenched, worried Weskham Armaugh, at least _this_ guy had class.


End file.
